


The Teller Opening

by canardroublard



Series: Fictober 2018 [8]
Category: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. (2015)
Genre: Gaby is terrible at feelings, Illya just wants people to stop stealing his things, Multi, Napoleon is confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-09
Updated: 2018-10-09
Packaged: 2019-07-28 18:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16247624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/canardroublard/pseuds/canardroublard
Summary: These new partners of Napoleon's are driving him up the wall. Mostly because they obviously need to sleep with each other. And definitelynotbecause he wants to sleep with both of them.But it turns out they're driving each other nuts, too.At least they're all a matched set.





	The Teller Opening

"I know you do!"

Glancing up from his book, Napoleon raises an eyebrow as the apartment door bangs open, Illya lobbing this accusatory volley at Gaby as they enter.

"No, I don't have them," Gaby shoots back.

"What is your explanation, then?"

"Maybe you lost them."

"I never lose things! Have perfect memory," Illya insists.

If they argued like normal people, Napoleon would leave them to it, but they could do this for hours, which ruins the ambiance at dinner.

"What's he lost?" Napoleon asks Gaby, mostly because Illya gets pissy when ignored and Napoleon isn't mature enough to not enjoy getting a rise out of him.

"Chess pieces." She flops next to Napoleon on the sofa. "I don't get what the big deal is." Then she reaches over and steals his drink. Little thief.

"Big deal is I can't play chess. How am I supposed to spend evenings now?"

"Maybe doing something _actually_ fun," Gaby mutters under her breath, sourly.

"What was that?" Illya asks.

"I said 'I don't care, whatever you want'."

Napoleon snickers. "She's got a point, Peril. This is an opportunity try something new. Take up a hobby. Learn a language. That'd keep anyone busy for, what, couple of weeks?"

Illya rolls his eyes. "Stop bragging. I am going to look in my room. Again." Then, after a pointed glare at Gaby, he disappears.

"So," Napoleon murmurs to her, "where did you hide them?"

She doesn't even bother with denial. "In my toiletries. He caught a glimpse of my tampons once and turned bright red. Figured he's too proper to snoop." Biting her lip, she looks in the direction Illya stormed off.

"You know," Napoleon begins, "you could just _tell_ him you want his company."

Gaby huffs, dubious, self-depricating. "I tried. Back in Rome. He didn't even look at me. And I don't care, anyways."

Napoleon makes a skeptical noise. "Rome was...complicated. Try again."

With a shrug, Gaby slouches over. "I hate when you're so reasonable. You're supposed to tell me he's ridiculous and I'm not."

"Well, he _is_ , but you aren't _not_ ridiculous, either."

"That doesn't make sense. English is stupid."

"Stop insulting my language and go talk to him."

"No."

Napoleon gives her a look.

"Fine. But I'm keeping the chess pieces." She turns to look at him, her gaze suddenly contemplative. "How are you so good at this?"

Napoleon shrugs, reminding himself that those two are obviously smitten and that he shouldn't be jealous of one, let alone both. "I aim to please."

"Good thing you're fun. Or I'd have to start stealing your chess pieces, too." Gaby smiles, bright, then presses a quick kiss to Napoleon's cheek. The next second she's gone.

What was _that_?

Stealing his chess pieces? Like with Illya? What does that mean? It can't possibly be...

These two are going to give him a goddamn ulcer.

He thinks of the rumble of Illya's laugh; the brilliance of Gaby's grins.

Oh well, there are worse ways to die.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Fictober 2018, for the prompt "I know you do."


End file.
